Thursday, December 09, 2010

Saying Goodbye

Tuesday night, well actually Wednesday early, early morning, Jeremiah got home.  He went to visit Tim, his step father.  I wrote about 10 months or so ago about finding out that Tim had cancer.  Doctors only gave him 100 days to live.  Thankfully for him, he surpassed that.  Due to his suppressed immune system, and the fact that we never can tell if we are on the verge of getting sick, we hadn't seen him since last Christmas.  The girls really missed seeing Nana and Grandpa.  A bit over a week ago Tim started not feeling well.  He was admitted to the hospital.  They were not able to find out what was wrong.  But soon it became apparent that he was getting progressively worse.  On Tuesday they only gave Tim one to seven days to live. 

Yesterday, Wednesday, we all went to see Tim, for the last time.  We prepared the girls for what to expect.  We told them that he was very sick, and would look very sick.  We told them that they had to be on their BEST behavior as he was feeling so horrible.  Plus we told them that this was the last time we would see him.  They were so very excited to finally be able to see their beloved grandfather (Grandpa tutu head, as he is known by the girls).  I was so very proud of them for being so VERY, very good.  When the doctor came in to check vitals you could have heard a pin drop.  They were totally silent!  Moira brought her sketch book to show grandpa her work.  They each brought a picture, plus a memory of grandpa that they shared with him.  Although we stayed for a couple of hours, most of that time Tim was going in and out of sleep.  We decided to go out to eat, then come back after he had rested to say our goodbyes. 

What a hard time that was, at least from my perspective.  Just knowing that *this was it*.  We went back to the hospital after eating.  Jeremiah's mom had to wake Tim up.  We knew we would have to be quick.  We each took our turn to say goodbye.  It was very hard to do.  The girls all broke down crying, which made Nana cry.  They wanted to 'be strong' for Grandpa's sake.  But I feel it was a good thing for him to know that we loved him so much that we were crying.  I don't know, maybe it would have been better to not cry in front of him.  This is the first time I have been so close to death.  Not sure of what we should or should not say, or do, or.......When I talked to Tim, he told us to take care of each other.  I told him I would see him again, and he gave me the ok sign. 

We went out into the hall and waited for Jeremiah.  We were all crying and a thoughtful nurse came by to give us a box of tissues.  In the van, on the way home, the three younger girls asked quite a few questions, but very soon quieted down.  Isabella had a really hard time with all of this.  She was thinking it would have been easier to not have seen him (I think it was more about protecting her heart than anything).  We talked to her about how that was not true.  After our talk she was thankful that she had the opportunity to see him one last time. 

And thankful we were, we got the call this evening that Tim passed away earlier today. We were so blessed to have Tim in our lives, and he will be missed greatly. 

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