Sunday, February 03, 2013

Troubled

I can finally report that everyone (well, almost everyone) is on the up and up.  I should say that everyone is on the up and up with the horrid upper respiratory bug we had.

So life should start to return to normal.  But instead, it is not.  Unless of course, possible dying animals is normal.  One animal, actually.  Our Nubian male goat.  We are ever so hoping that the items that Jeremiah is away getting right now will help him turn the corner, but at the same time we are preparing our children that he may not live.  At first I was thinking it was this one type of worm.  Still a possibility. It could also be a possibility of tetanus.  Jeremiah is off getting the antitoxin, plus some penicillin.  The vet thought it may very possibly be a vitamin B deficiency.  She's seen goats exhibiting the same symptoms (totally rigid, can't get up, laying on side) hop up and start walking around after 1 to 2 hours of getting some high doses of vitamin B.  I am trying not to get my hopes up. 

Jeremiah is back, so we should know soon if it is vitamin B.  If not pray that the other things work, or that he would pass quickly.  As a precautionary, if he does die we are to get him tested for rabies.  I know I don't have to ask you all to pray about that!!!  Goodness, at least 6 if not all 9 of us would have to go through rabies treatment if that were to be the case.  

I'm so nervous.  I hate to see this poor goat suffer.  We have been doing all we can, even covering him with a blanket and giving him pedialite.  I think the vet asked if we could give him an IV.  Hmmm, that surpasses our comfort level, but at this point, dehydration isn't playing a role.  We can't put him down, one- because there are options that we are still trying, and two- he has to be 'whole' to be tested for rabies.  But this is stressful on all of us.  Yes, we are aware he is a goat, but everything here on our homestead is valued, right down to the cats. 

Before this all happened I was already having a rough few days.  Thankfully I was reminded that a lack of time with the Lord is probably the root cause of my anxiety :-)  Ah, yes.  That has been slacking.  It always seems like a catch 22.  I need the Lord for my days to run (for me to remain at peace, to train my children, to work diligently), but my days right now are crazy, crazy, crazy, and it seems like I don't have any time to spare to spend time with the Lord.  Of course, I've been down this path before and know without a shadow of a doubt that somehow time 'multiplies' when you spend that needed time with the Lord.  It is also hard for me to even focus since I am so anxious.

Most of that anxiety comes from our health...or lack there of  (keeping in mind the ROOT CAUSE of my anxiety really rests with not having peace from the Lord).  Most things are probably very fixable with going back on GAPS.  Cooking for GAPS just seems entirely impossible this time around.  To help with that I put myself in a situation of 'do or die'.  Ok, not really, more like, 'do or loose a whole bunch of money on rotted meat'.  When we went shopping, I had the girls put all 6 chicken roasters in the fridge, not the freezer.  I also had 6 BJ's sized packages of stew meat defrosting in the fridge, to can up.  That people is a good chunk of money.  So the pressure was on.  I managed to cook all 6 chickens, though they wait to be deboned, meat put up, and stock made.  I was also able to can all 6 packages of meat, resulting in 12 quarts of meat.  Would have been 13, but one jar broke in the canner.  Bummer.

Jeremiah was also able to drill holes in 6 of my metal mason jar lids.  He then equipped them with air locks.  These will be used to make our fermented foods.  It was too late last night to start the sauerkraut, but I was able to put together a beet/apple/strawberry kvass.  Regular kvass, to me, is YUCKY.  I am hoping with this combo and with the lack of immense amounts of salt, that this will be doable. 

Besides the health issues, I just have the regular run of the mill anxiety over teotwawki.  Let me first say I am very proud of my husband for all he has been doing in this area.  But that being said, it is very stressful to me as I try to balance home life and prepping for teotwawki.  Too many what if's.  Too many conspiracies, too many real (horrid) truths, too many, too many.  I try to take each day as it comes, trying to make it normal :-)  Ha, ha!  But, when the thoughts of impending doom loom over me it is hard for me to function.  I hate that feeling like our world is about to fall apart at any second.  Again, root cause...see above!  But when simple things happen, like an illness, I start the thoughts rolling..what would we do if we couldn't get to a doctor, what would we do if we didn't have access to a store, what would we do if....Although these can good exercises, they start to control my actions and my responses to my family.

I must go and feed the goats.  Moira is a bit low on energy (we are pretty sure of the cause, but please pray it would resolve quickly) so I thought I would take that over for her.  Jeremiah has come back in from giving our goat the injections, and he says things do NOT look good.  Please pray that the goat can get relief quickly, one way or the other.  Thank you.

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